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Experiencing denial, especially when it recurs often, is not a great feeling. Someone is declining your work, giving a clear “Nope.” Being an author, I am well acquainted with setbacks. I began proposing articles 50 years back, upon finishing university. Over the years, I have had two novels turned down, along with article pitches and many pieces. In the last two decades, concentrating on commentary, the rejections have only increased. Regularly, I get a rejection every few days—totaling over 100 each year. Cumulatively, denials in my profession run into thousands. By now, I could claim a PhD in rejection.

So, does this seem like a woe-is-me tirade? Far from it. Because, at last, at 73 years old, I have embraced being turned down.

How Have I Accomplished It?

Some context: Now, almost every person and others has given me a thumbs-down. I’ve never tracked my acceptance statistics—doing so would be deeply dispiriting.

A case in point: lately, a newspaper editor nixed 20 submissions one after another before saying yes to one. In 2016, over 50 editors vetoed my book idea before one accepted it. Subsequently, 25 agents passed on a book pitch. An editor even asked that I send my work less frequently.

The Seven Stages of Rejection

In my 20s, each denial were painful. I took them personally. I believed my writing was being turned down, but myself.

No sooner a piece was turned down, I would start the process of setback:

• Initially, shock. How could this happen? How could editors be ignore my talent?
• Second, refusal to accept. Surely it’s the incorrect submission? This must be an administrative error.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What can any of you know? Who made you to decide on my labours? You’re stupid and your publication stinks. I reject your rejection.
• After that, anger at the rejecters, then anger at myself. Why would I put myself through this? Could I be a glutton for punishment?
• Fifth, pleading (often accompanied by delusion). What does it require you to recognise me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, depression. I’m not talented. Additionally, I’ll never be accomplished.

So it went for decades.

Great Examples

Of course, I was in fine company. Stories of creators whose books was originally rejected are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every writer of repute was originally turned down. Since they did overcome rejection, then maybe I could, too. The basketball legend was cut from his high school basketball team. Most Presidents over the recent history had previously lost elections. The filmmaker claims that his script for Rocky and desire to star were turned down repeatedly. He said rejection as an alarm to rouse me and get going, instead of giving up,” he has said.

The Seventh Stage

As time passed, when I entered my senior age, I achieved the final phase of setback. Acceptance. Today, I better understand the many reasons why an editor says no. To begin with, an editor may have recently run a comparable article, or be planning one in progress, or be contemplating something along the same lines for someone else.

Or, more discouragingly, my pitch is uninteresting. Or the evaluator believes I am not qualified or stature to fit the bill. Or is no longer in the field for the content I am offering. Maybe didn’t focus and reviewed my submission too fast to recognize its quality.

You can call it an epiphany. Everything can be rejected, and for whatever cause, and there is virtually not much you can do about it. Certain explanations for denial are forever beyond your control.

Your Responsibility

Others are within it. Let’s face it, my pitches and submissions may occasionally be ill-conceived. They may not resonate and appeal, or the idea I am attempting to convey is insufficiently dramatised. Or I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe an aspect about my grammar, particularly dashes, was offensive.

The essence is that, in spite of all my decades of effort and setbacks, I have succeeded in being published in many places. I’ve published multiple works—the initial one when I was in my fifties, another, a autobiography, at retirement age—and more than a thousand pieces. My writings have appeared in publications large and small, in regional, worldwide sources. My first op-ed was published decades ago—and I have now submitted to many places for 50 years.

Still, no bestsellers, no book signings in bookshops, no appearances on popular shows, no Ted Talks, no honors, no big awards, no Nobel, and no national honor. But I can more easily handle rejection at 73, because my, small successes have cushioned the stings of my many rejections. I can now be reflective about it all today.

Educational Setbacks

Denial can be helpful, but only if you heed what it’s trying to teach. Or else, you will likely just keep seeing denial all wrong. What insights have I acquired?

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